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+ <h3 class="blog-title">The End of Transition</h3>
+ <h3 class="datestamp">19/04/2025</h3>
+ </div>
+ <div class="content">
+ <div class="content">
+ <img class="blog-img-lrg" src="../img/entries/transition.png" />
+ <p>
+ On 11/04/2025 I finally got 'the op.' And I feel some kinda
+ way about it.
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ This is gonna be quite a personal entry, as you might imagine.
+ And while I wander into a lot of personal thoughts and
+ feelings generally in my entries, this is closer than most,
+ and the physical and mental scars are still fresh. So bear
+ with me.
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ I've been in the gender care system in the UK for roughly a
+ decade at this point. That's charting from first referral from
+ my GP. It took about 5 years from that point to get seen by
+ Notts GIC, a year to be put on hormones, and around 4 more to
+ finally be slapped on to an operating table. Let's be clear.
+ This is an unacceptable amount of time for a person to wait
+ for life-saving treatment.
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ And it is life-saving. I'm not sure surgery specifically was
+ for me, more on that in a bit, but the myriad dysphorias that
+ come with being trans are huge risk factors. Getting on HRT
+ was life-saving for me, certainly. If I hadn't had a very
+ loving partner to help me through the early years I likely
+ wouldn't have hit that 6 year mark when I could finally begin
+ it 'officially.'
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ DIYing is commonplace of course, but when I began my
+ transition, I was alone and scared and didn't know a single
+ other trans person who could have helped me access hormones.
+ So the Legal Route was the only way I could do it.
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ For anyone beginning transition today, all I can say is: do
+ not wait. Break the law and biohack your body. If you live in
+ the UK, our healthcare is only getting worse. There is still
+ time.
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ But yeah. Surgery. I've never had major surgery before. I
+ didn't know what to expect going in. The care I received at
+ Nuffield Brighton was exemplary from start to finish and is a
+ huge reason I didn't panic, but I still panicked a
+ <i>bit,</i> especially after we ended up waiting for around 5
+ hours between check-in and actual surgery time. The
+ anaesthetist gave me an epidural, which very nearly made me
+ feint (bad!) but I didn't because the other anaesthetist held
+ on to me very tightly (good!). Then I got put to sleep for 3
+ hours, woke up in recovery, chatted shit about chocolate bars
+ and got wheeled back to my ward.
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ I say ward. Private hospital, so it was a private room,
+ swanky. I think that was good overall? But I did feel pretty
+ lonely when all the various healthcare people had done their
+ morning rounds and there was still multiple hours before Cat
+ could come visit.
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ That first evening after surgery was pretty chill by virtue of
+ still being stoned from the epidural and the anaesthetic. The
+ first two days after surgery sucked. I wasn't allowed to get
+ up, so was on my back all day, which it turns out gives you
+ horrendous trapped wind. Which also really, really hurts. Pain
+ from my surgery was actually fairly minimal, most pain I had
+ those first few days was wind. Bodies are so stupid.
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ Then the next day I was sitting up, and walking, and
+ showering, and I saw her for the first time. If you're a
+ friend, you've probably already seen the photos. If you
+ haven't, ask me if you're curious and I'll DM you. It's a
+ medical miracle, honestly. Hats off to my surgeon, Mr. Larner,
+ he can really invert a penis.
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ Then I was packed off home for two weeks housebound, with a
+ further 6-8 weeks of recovery after that. And that's the lot.
+ I'm officially at the end of the gender clinic pipeline.
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ And now, I feel kinda strange. So much of my life has been
+ defined by this journey. The waiting, the phone calls, the
+ fighting and pain and misery of battling a system designed to
+ gatekeep as many people from transitioning as possible. I won.
+ And my prize is to just... live my life.
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ It's... weird. Discombobulating. I think I feel really adrift
+ right now. Being cooped up in the house 24/7 doesn't help of
+ course, but I feel purposeless. I've been playing a lot of
+ Blue Prince, and it honestly kinda feels like the run after
+ reaching 46. The goal has been achieved, the crown sits atop
+ your head. So what next?
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ Living my life is next, I guess. The popular concept of
+ transition is largely medical, and while I have been socially
+ transitioned for a long, long time, I'm interested what doors
+ surgery will open for me. I suddenly feel safer, for one, even
+ despite the country I live in. If some odious terf decides to
+ genital inspect me, then well... they're gonna be surprised.
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ And while for me my dick never caused me enormous amounts of
+ dysphoria, I'm excited about what new opportunities I have
+ now. I can wear leggings without a skirt. I can go swimming
+ with no worries. I can have lots of weird, new and exciting
+ sex. The world is bright and wide and I am very lucky to be
+ able to experience a whole new side of it.
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ So I'm choosing not to see this as an end. This is a new
+ beginning, and I'm sat in Ube-Shinkawa Station, ready for the
+ world. I just hope it's ready for me.
+ </p>
+ <div class="tooltip">
+ さようなら、すべての移行.
+ <div class="tooltiptext">Goodbye, all of transition.</div>
+ </div>
+
+ <p class="footnote">
+ I made an alternative image for this entry, because much like
+ Eva this is both an ending and a beginning. I think I like the
+ pun in this one more.
+ <a href="../img/entries/transition-alt.png">Please enjoy.</a>
+ </p>
+ </div>
+ </div>
+ </div>
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